begin

It seems strange to me with only 8 days left of my first semester back at school, with two major papers due with little aforementioned thought, that I am ok. That somehow I managed to get through the sludge of uncertainty and general unhappiness and be fine. Perhaps since I've reached the point of no return and experience has taught me that no matter how much I freak out about something, or however calamitous an experience seems, it all turns out fine in the end. So basically with a 12 page philosopher paper due on the argument Booker T. and DuBois make on the redemption of the Negro (their word not mine) and a 15 comprehensive community and parental involvement upgrade to the AmeriCorps CIS program due in a few days, I take solace in the fact that indeed having those few extra days to think will have everything turn out nicely. 

Instead of working yesterday, I took myself out on the perfect date. The date that I chose not to have with this guy that I already knew was perfectly fine, but not for me. This date was comprised of eating copious amounts of brunch, watching Atonement, and buying this lovely book called, you guessed it, The Principals of Uncertainty by Maira Kalman. I loved the idea of the stream of consciousness of a year in pictures. Her illustrations seem like something I would draw if I could train my hands to do something other than knit and glue things together. I made me want to write again. Just for myself. And take lots of pictures of all the things that catch my imagination. I feel better now that I have a camera in my purse again, although now I just have to use it. I want to remember the daily musings, however innate and pointless.

I was talking to some of my coworkers today about the idea of falling in love with a place, even if it still only comprised in our minds. Some of my friends have already decided that they are in love with my hometown of Austin, yet I am still looking. Which is partly (mostly) the reason that I am not applying to Harvard for grad school, however lovely the idea of having a PhD from Harvard would be. I just know that I don't like Boston and it's nothing personal, but I just have to move on. Although while I still don't know where this place is, here are a few signals that would need to happen (much like the signs your soul feels at home list):

1. My favorite songs are played on the local radio
2. Grocery shopping because a delicious luxury
3. The people smile on the street when eye contact is made
4. I have the perfect job for me at that time
5. There are TREES!
6. Bearable traffic or amazing public transportation
7. Mexican food
8. Local coffee shops
9. Local businesses
10. Like-minded neighbors
11. Livable standards of living

I understand that many of these things sound like Austin, which is true. I love Austin, but there are things missing like being able to find a job that I can be passionate about and that pays me decently. Maybe one day I'll be back.